It's a bittersweet Christmas this year. Diamond is gone, Tucker (while doing great) has cancer and I'm just 'done' and need a break. I've been reading Switch (a book) and the authors state that humans are programmer to focus on the negative. It was probably evolutionarily a good thing but I'm having a hard time focusing on the blessings this year.
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Friday, December 24, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Agility
I had a great time with Spirit tonight at agility. (www.divinek9.com) We are starting to 'gel' as a team. It feels great.
It has taken a really long time to get here. I started out with a different handling system. When I changed over, I had to get clear so that the two of us could be clear. That clarity feels as though it has taken long time since I so rarely practice. But, now that I'm clearer, Spirit has an opportunity to shine. And, she does. I feel incredibly blessed to have such a talented dog as my partner.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
It has taken a really long time to get here. I started out with a different handling system. When I changed over, I had to get clear so that the two of us could be clear. That clarity feels as though it has taken long time since I so rarely practice. But, now that I'm clearer, Spirit has an opportunity to shine. And, she does. I feel incredibly blessed to have such a talented dog as my partner.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, October 8, 2010
Mysticism
Reading Jon Katz' review of his new book (http://www.bedlamfarm.com/blog/2010/10/07/writers-life-rationality-vs-mysticism/) and thinking about how much we project on our dogs. I do agree that my canine companions are guides to me. However, I'm not sure that it says as much about them as it does about me.
It's a curious phenomena that I am so hungry for mysticism and spirit in my life that the 'place' where I project it is onto my dogs. It's natural in some ways - we feel so lacking in our connection to the Earth and dogs are so much more connected. However, it's a curious place to focus our connection - on these beings who are so symbiotic with us.
It's also a large burden for beings who may have come to us just because we provided an easy meal. And, that seems to be the heart of some essential conflict in our lives. We find Spirit outside ourselves, no longer view ourselves as connected, as worthy on our own.
Yesterday's article on how the head of the Southern Baptist Convention stated that yoga isn't 'Christian.'. Oh, my. It seems to me that Spirit and connection are where we find them. And, grand pronouncements that 'this' is worthy of connection and 'that' is not just leave me cold and angry and, to be honest, disappointed.
There's a part of my life that is just that small too. I know it's there because of the way that I felt so angry about this. And,if yoga isn't a worthy path I'm quite sure my dogs aren't either.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
It's a curious phenomena that I am so hungry for mysticism and spirit in my life that the 'place' where I project it is onto my dogs. It's natural in some ways - we feel so lacking in our connection to the Earth and dogs are so much more connected. However, it's a curious place to focus our connection - on these beings who are so symbiotic with us.
It's also a large burden for beings who may have come to us just because we provided an easy meal. And, that seems to be the heart of some essential conflict in our lives. We find Spirit outside ourselves, no longer view ourselves as connected, as worthy on our own.
Yesterday's article on how the head of the Southern Baptist Convention stated that yoga isn't 'Christian.'. Oh, my. It seems to me that Spirit and connection are where we find them. And, grand pronouncements that 'this' is worthy of connection and 'that' is not just leave me cold and angry and, to be honest, disappointed.
There's a part of my life that is just that small too. I know it's there because of the way that I felt so angry about this. And,if yoga isn't a worthy path I'm quite sure my dogs aren't either.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Chemotherapy - Round 2
This morning Tucker and I are at Red Bank Veterinary for his second chemotherapy treatment. The first round was very, very difficult for him. At times it left us wondering if this was the right path, if we should just let him go. But, he had some really, really good days after the nausea and lethargy were over. So, here we are again.
It appears they might lower the dose this time - that is good.
It's a struggle for me to remember that this is about quality of life. When he has good days, I want to 'forget' that he has cancer. I want to think that this is going away. But, it isn't.
My commitment to myself during this process is to be present with it and to not try to distract myself from what is real. It's hard. There are days when I am more successful than others. I find it hardest when he is happy and well. I go slipping back into my comfortable dream that has this particular dog in my life for the long term, forever.
There have been so, so many changes in my life during the 9 years he has been here. I don't even know who I'll be without this 'being' In my life.
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It appears they might lower the dose this time - that is good.
It's a struggle for me to remember that this is about quality of life. When he has good days, I want to 'forget' that he has cancer. I want to think that this is going away. But, it isn't.
My commitment to myself during this process is to be present with it and to not try to distract myself from what is real. It's hard. There are days when I am more successful than others. I find it hardest when he is happy and well. I go slipping back into my comfortable dream that has this particular dog in my life for the long term, forever.
There have been so, so many changes in my life during the 9 years he has been here. I don't even know who I'll be without this 'being' In my life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Location:Hance Ave,Tinton Falls,United States
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Spirit
It must be difficult for them ... walking with t wo-leggeds in the woods. She spins around and around me - a flash of gold through the trees. She must walk ten times (at least) as far as I do. She stops and waits when ever I amout of sight. Does she ever long for the freedom to just run unfettered? To not have to wait on this slower two legged.
I don't take for granted that she checks in with me. It's a gift we both built through out relationship and with hard word, the desire to do what is asked (on her part), and impulse control. It's a precious gift and I don't want to lose it.
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